It’s that magical time of year again, so in keeping with the Holiday spirit, here’s some shit about Batman.
- WB, Legendary, and Syncopy Logos. The usual stuff.
- Billy Elliott sings the national anthem to a packed stadium of Gotham Rogues fans. A sign in the background reads “Demolish the Monuments,” presumably the opposing team, but presumably not worth the effort it took to notice that.
- Bane, dressed in a heavy winter coat walks up a flight of stairs.
- A table of some sort. A figure emerges from the foreground, carrying something in his right hand. Judging from the reflection, it’s Bruce Wayne.
- Alfred speaks. “You are as precious to me as you were to your own mother and father.”
- Alfred’s noticeably upset about something. “I swore to them that I would protect you, and I haven’t.” It’s safe to say Alfred is worried about some seriously bad azz shiz going down. Also, we need to spell more thingz like 90s wrestling sloganz. Obviouzly.
- The Gotham cityscape. Hard to tell if this is from the Pittsburgh shoot, though it’s a safe bet it’s not Madison.
- FROM CHRISTOPHER NOLAN
- Looks like we’re outside the newly reconstructed Wayne Manor. And it certainly isn’t the same from Batman Begins.
- Mayor Garcia hands the floor to Commissioner Gordon. It’s a similar setup to the memorial at the end of The Dark Knight, but what is this? Harvey’s funeral?
- A voice speaks offscreen. “The Mayor’s going to dump him in the spring.” Seems they’re talking about the Commish.
- “But he’s a hero.” That’s Matthew Modine’s “Nixon” character. Not much is known about him. “A war hero.” Brett Cullen corrects him. “But this is peace time.” Here’s a thought: Everyone always talks about what happens to Batman after TDK, but what about Gordon? If Bats took the blame for killing Harvey and his victims, did Gordon get the credit for taking down Joker? What does everyone believe?
- Looks like Bruce Wayne is on a balcony of some kind.
- Bruce enters a ballroom, flower petals fall from the ceiling. Selina Kyle speaks. “You think this is going to last.”
- “There’s a storm coming, Mr. Wayne.” Mister Wayne? How do these two know each other? What’s their relationship going to be? How do you have sex on the Batpod?
- Explosions. SWAT teams ducking. General GTFO-ing ensues.
- Bane in the same coat, surrounded by henchmen this time.
- “Even your friends better batter down the hinges.” After that much-maligned Batpod picture from this summer, the fanboy consensus is becoming much more positive about Selina’s look.
- Gordon, cops behind him, duck as an explosion goes off.
- Furniture thrown down a staircase. Looks like some sort of riot. Who’s the suit cowering at the bottom? Is that the same guy getting dragged out from under that table?
- More Selina. “Because when it hits, you’re all going to wonder how you thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us.” Stick your tongue down his earhole why dontcha? In all seriousness, what is going on? Rants about the wealthy elite? Rioting? This is starting to sound like the Michael Moore version of Batman.
- Prisoners and armed henchmen emerge from a flaming hole in the wall. Looks like Bane has staged some sort of prison riot.
- SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAAAAAAY.
- Bane’s on his way to the stadium.
- A robed Bruce opens a gate, his hair graying at the sides. “What does that mean?”
- “RISE.” If we count the teaser and the IMAX prologue, that’s the third time the word’s been used. You think “RIIIIIISE” will become the new “Why so serious?” next summer? I could see it:Hey babe, could you get up and fix me a sandwich?
You’re the one who’s already in the kitchen. Can’t you see I–
- Bane’s got a detonator. And boom goes the $20 million location shoot.
- Hines Ward of the Pitt-err Gotham Rogues miraculously outruns every opposing player for six and the touchdown, a clear sign that Nolan is taking a much less realistic approach this time around.
This shot looks absolutely insane. I’m not sure how finished the CGI is, and I’d be curious to see it again with music and audio. But wow. This is clearly the “semi flip” moment from the second TDK trailer.
- Bane finally speaks. “When Gotham is ashes…” Bruce lays beaten on the ground with a pretty nasty gash in his forehead.
- Close up of Bane. “…you’ll have my permission to die.” Bad. To the ass. Background looks like that close up from the teaser. Same scene here?
- NEXT SUMMER
- Marion Cotillard’s Miranda Tate looking damn good in red. She removes a mask. One might assume Bruce is cavorting with two women in this film, much to his own amusement/boner.
- Looks like someone’s jumping off a building. Bruce?
- Selina Hepburn walking down some hallway. Judging from the “gates” signs and the luggage, it’s likely an airport or train station.
- THE EPIC CONCLUSION
- Bats whips out some kind of Light Cannonfrom his Batpod. Sweet, now he can beam ’em to death.
- A tumbler tank getting absolutely demolished by some large military vehicle. This is is the original, unpainted tumbler model from BB by the way. More on this later.
- A shot of the same well from the teaser only now people are lowering into it.
- Bane. Jacked.
- JGL’s beat cop “John Blake” looking scared here.
- TO THE DARK KNIGHT LEGEND
- Bats outside of what appears to be a government building’s steps. Snow and punches fly around him in equal measure. Bane’s coming to meet him. Is this the battle for Gotham?
- A SWAT team storms a hallway.
- More tankage. More explosions. This tumbler’s been outfitted with a cannon. Looks like the same building Batman and Bane are in front of.
- They exchange blows. YES.
- A singular figure drops down.
- A closer shot of those guys dropping down now. If you look closely, it’s very similar to the same place Bruce was shown in earlier. Check out those crazy stairs.
- Great reveal of the new Bat vehicle chasing down a tumbler tank through the Gotham streets.
- Move up and into the Gotham sky, that similar shot from the teaser trailer.
- THE DARK KNIGHT RISES.
- THE LEGEND
- EXPERIENCE IT IN IMAX SUMMER 2012
- SUCK ON THAT, JOSS WHEDON.
For some reason, that last part isn’t showing up on the online version. Honestly, the trailer’s a bit awkward in its execution. There’s a lot of emotional weight in that first half, with a slower, intimate pace and some political stuff. Afterward, it doesn’t let up.
The complaints about Bane’s inaudible dialogue also raise an interesting point in light of how clear he sounds in this. I kinda believe this is all intentional on Nolan’s part. Maybe I’m giving him too much credit, but it’s not like the studio can somehow hear him any better than everyone else. Besides, it makes a lot of sense from a marketing standpoint, too. With The Joker, audiences knew what they were getting; they just didn’t know how good it would be. This time around it’s completely different. Bane hasn’t been one of the more well-known or well-portrayed members of Batman’s rogues gallery. The story can take liberties with the character and then surround him in mystique because there’s so much goddamn hype for this movie already.
It’s an awfully close similarity. Those were taken from Batman Begins. That’s Ra’s al Ghul and the League of Shadows. Coincidence? Maybe. But I’m betting otherwise.
As far as Cotillard’s role goes, I don’t think think “Miranda Tate” is actually Miranda Tate. There were a number of rumors early on that Cotillard would be playing Talia al Ghul, the daughter of…
How would anyone get ahold of R&D’s designs in the first place? If Miranda Tate is the only new element in place at Wayne Enterprises, I think I smell a rat. Even Neeson is only credited as “Henri Ducard” on iMDb, and we know that isn’t true. We’re being fed lies, people, and if you don’t start getting wise, Big Brother’s going to be kicking down your door in the middle of the night and anally probing your children faster than you can say “X-Files.”